This new doctor can Suck it!
Ok...yes...that’s a little harsh.
I saw a new doctor yesterday and left there feeling belittled. I don’t need that crap from a medical professional. Apparently I have a “list” of issues she referred to, essentially trying to make me look like some kind of hypochondriac. Let’s look at that list and see how bad it really is, shall we?
1. Morbid obesity tops the list. Guess what...that’s been on my file since I was 12...shocker...take a look at me! I'm working on it...and by the way, check my BP and blood panel...I'm doing ok for a fat chick.
2. Aortic Coarctation, repaired May 2002...yeah...that’s a birth defect. I didn’t exactly trump that up for sympathy votes. It had to be fixed or I was gonna die.
3. Incomplete Spinal Cord Injury May 2002....I suffered from the SCI during the surgery to fix my heart. Wasn’t in my master plan lady...sorta wish it never happened.
4. Edema in legs...muscles in my legs don’t work like the average person, so fluid tends to pool in my ankles...welcome to SCI. Maybe you should learn a little something about it...there are complicating factors, ya know?
5. Hip pain...7 years after learning to walk again, I walk in an unnatural way and consistently throw my hip out of alignment...or maybe you didn’t notice I’m disabled.
6. Frequent falls causing bruising and hip pain...you try living without adductors and hamstrings. Falling in the splits on slippery surfaces is painful and embarrassing. Sometimes the pain requires medication. Since I only get 4 scrips for 12 vicodin a year, I highly doubt there is a dependency issue.
7. Restless leg syndrome...started in the hospital after the SCI...Coincidence?
8. Depression in November 2002...yeah...in March my mom died after a horrific battle with cancer, in April I was diagnosed with a fatal heart defect, which I promptly had repaired in May only to become paralyzed from the waist down as a result, lived in a hospital for 2 months with a staff that treated me like a burden (some, not all) and then with my dad having people take care of me and having no freedom, only to finally move home in September with my "devoted" boyfriend of 4 years, who left me the next day for a woman he met on the internet in another country. You MIGHT have a little depression too after dealing with all of that between February and September. Bite me.
9. Abnormal cardiac rhythms...sorry for coomplaining when my heart stopped...my bad.
10. Miscarriage August 2008...seriously, would have preferred to not miscarry. Thanks for bringing it up. I supposed that’s my fault now?
11. Strep throat April and December 2008
12. Flu February 2008
The only thing on that list that I think she can even REMOTELY...and it is REMOTE...call out as an issue is the freakin flu, which I had ONE time, and only went to the doctor after 5 days of coughing and exhaustion just to see if they had anything they could give me to calm the cough as tussin wasn’t doing squat. WTH? You know , if you nix number 3, you pretty much wouldn’t have 4 through 8....don’t fucking belittle me, I didn’t ask for the SCI and I’m dealing with it pretty damn well, all things considered. With ALL of that, I take 3 daily perscriptions...a water pill for the edema, a supplement for the potassium loss caused by the water pill, and Ambien for the RLS. I'm not exactly a pill popper.
I won’t be seeing this doctor again...ever.
Showing posts with label Blathering on and on. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blathering on and on. Show all posts
Friday, April 24, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
A mouse in the house?
I think I have a MOUSE in my bedroom! I woke up at 4 this morning to a strange sound right by my bed. I have two cats and a dog...dog was in his kennel for the night, and the cats aren't allowed in my bedroom. I laid there and listened...it clearly sounded like rustling on the bookshelf about 3 feet away from me. I rolled to the other side of the bed and grabbed the flashlight but I didn't see anything. I went back to sleep...kinda looked around a little when I got up but didn't see anything that would indicate I had a mouse. I don't know though, the sound was soooooo clear!
I guess when I get home tonight I will do some serious searching...especially on that bookcase to see if anything looks messed with. My biggest fear is FINDING something and not being able to run away from it cuz I'm disabled! LOL...I move SLOWWWW!
It's also been suggested that I let the cats into the bedroom....which I will BE SURE they are in there with me when I start looking for things...but GEEZE...I soooooo don't want to deal with a mouse! LMAO The cats aren't allowed in because I don't want cat hair on my bedding, and one of my cats is jealous of the dog and vents his anger by peeing on things...like beds...so he isn't allowed
I guess when I get home tonight I will do some serious searching...especially on that bookcase to see if anything looks messed with. My biggest fear is FINDING something and not being able to run away from it cuz I'm disabled! LOL...I move SLOWWWW!
It's also been suggested that I let the cats into the bedroom....which I will BE SURE they are in there with me when I start looking for things...but GEEZE...I soooooo don't want to deal with a mouse! LMAO The cats aren't allowed in because I don't want cat hair on my bedding, and one of my cats is jealous of the dog and vents his anger by peeing on things...like beds...so he isn't allowed
Monday, March 30, 2009
About Exercise
I suffered an incomplete spinal cord injury back in 2002. Since then, cardio exercise has been my biggest challenge...but I think I'm finally concurring it!
My injury affects my hamstrings mostly (they pretty much don't work at all)...but also my calves, hip flexors, glutes and adductors (all are extremely weak). I currently walk with a crutch but started off in a wheelchair...it's been a long road to get where I am today. I suffer from some pretty obnoxious hip pain (mostly on the right) because I walk in an unnatural way.
Several years ago I bought an elliptical that has sat in my home collecting modest amounts of dust for quite some time. I started really trying to use it this summer...logging about 4 minutes at a time before my quads (which over-compensate for my lack of hamstrings) would want to totally give out. When I started Atkins on March 2nd, I was still at 4 minutes per session...as of yesterday, I'm at 20! I’m at a level 1 with zero incline....so I have LOTS of room to build on once I master this. I can’t believe I’m at 20 minutes though! Pre injury, I could knock out 60 minutes...not sure if I’ll get there, but might as well try!
Another way I get my heart rate up is through upper body Tae Bo. I sit on my weight bench in front of a tv and do the upper body punches. I'm bored with it though...I don't like this particular video I have. I don't think Billy Blanks does a good job of balancing the workout on both sides of the body...so I get agitated. He'll work the heck out of the right side and totally skips the left for the same combo...annoys me. Sometimes I try just doing my own punch combo's while watching regular television, but I like having guided instruction to follow. I guess I should look for a new video.
I also have a Reebok Step from my pre-injury days. I use it now to try to train myself to climb steps again. That, in itself, is a workout since my legs just don't like doing it. I have it in front of my elliptical and I use the arm frame of the elliptical for my leverage/balance. I'll have to take a picture so you can see what I mean.
I do lots of arm stuff with currently only 3lb weights...but will be moving up to 5lbs soon. I had some serious triceps back in the wheelchair days, but that was a while ago now. I also do simple leg exercises...simple to able bodied people, insanely difficult for me...these get my heart rate up, too. I do knee lifts, I attempt hamstring curls...but really almost nothing happens, abductor sidekicks and squats...all while hanging onto something for dear life...I found a new use for my old walker in this little workout routine. I finish off every workout with 3 sets of 12 crunches and 2 sets of 12 each side oblique crunches. I used to do so many more...so I can’t wait to get my core strong again!
I’ve never in my life been able to do a push up...but I do wall-aways, which feel incredibly effective. I even did them when I was able-bodied. I highly recommend 3 sets of these, daily.
I did two very strenuous workouts over the weekend. I find during the week that if I don’t do them in the AM before work, I won’t do it...but getting up is hard. It’s getting easier...but I still struggle with it. Last week I think I managed to get up at least 2 times...that was awesome. Today...I slept in. But...after the tough workouts this weekend, I can give myself a one day pass. Tomorrow I’m shooting for 21minutes on that elliptical!
My injury affects my hamstrings mostly (they pretty much don't work at all)...but also my calves, hip flexors, glutes and adductors (all are extremely weak). I currently walk with a crutch but started off in a wheelchair...it's been a long road to get where I am today. I suffer from some pretty obnoxious hip pain (mostly on the right) because I walk in an unnatural way.
Several years ago I bought an elliptical that has sat in my home collecting modest amounts of dust for quite some time. I started really trying to use it this summer...logging about 4 minutes at a time before my quads (which over-compensate for my lack of hamstrings) would want to totally give out. When I started Atkins on March 2nd, I was still at 4 minutes per session...as of yesterday, I'm at 20! I’m at a level 1 with zero incline....so I have LOTS of room to build on once I master this. I can’t believe I’m at 20 minutes though! Pre injury, I could knock out 60 minutes...not sure if I’ll get there, but might as well try!
Another way I get my heart rate up is through upper body Tae Bo. I sit on my weight bench in front of a tv and do the upper body punches. I'm bored with it though...I don't like this particular video I have. I don't think Billy Blanks does a good job of balancing the workout on both sides of the body...so I get agitated. He'll work the heck out of the right side and totally skips the left for the same combo...annoys me. Sometimes I try just doing my own punch combo's while watching regular television, but I like having guided instruction to follow. I guess I should look for a new video.
I also have a Reebok Step from my pre-injury days. I use it now to try to train myself to climb steps again. That, in itself, is a workout since my legs just don't like doing it. I have it in front of my elliptical and I use the arm frame of the elliptical for my leverage/balance. I'll have to take a picture so you can see what I mean.
I do lots of arm stuff with currently only 3lb weights...but will be moving up to 5lbs soon. I had some serious triceps back in the wheelchair days, but that was a while ago now. I also do simple leg exercises...simple to able bodied people, insanely difficult for me...these get my heart rate up, too. I do knee lifts, I attempt hamstring curls...but really almost nothing happens, abductor sidekicks and squats...all while hanging onto something for dear life...I found a new use for my old walker in this little workout routine. I finish off every workout with 3 sets of 12 crunches and 2 sets of 12 each side oblique crunches. I used to do so many more...so I can’t wait to get my core strong again!
I’ve never in my life been able to do a push up...but I do wall-aways, which feel incredibly effective. I even did them when I was able-bodied. I highly recommend 3 sets of these, daily.
I did two very strenuous workouts over the weekend. I find during the week that if I don’t do them in the AM before work, I won’t do it...but getting up is hard. It’s getting easier...but I still struggle with it. Last week I think I managed to get up at least 2 times...that was awesome. Today...I slept in. But...after the tough workouts this weekend, I can give myself a one day pass. Tomorrow I’m shooting for 21minutes on that elliptical!
Monday, March 23, 2009
5 years? Really?
How is it that I haven’t had a really good, fulfilling, healthy, honest relationship in 5 years? How does that happen? Seriously?
Clearly my dating life is a catastrophe.
I didn’t even START dating till I was in college...and my first few choices were just such profound losers. One of them is still doing prison time...I hope. I check periodically to see if he is still there out of fear of “bumping into him” on the street somewhere. Another one married one of the many women he cheated on me with...and they are still together today. I used to wonder what it was she did to turn him around...and now that I know, I realize I would have never been the right woman for him as “domineering control freak” is just not in my character. The one I had the longest waste of time...errr...I mean relationship with repeats his unhealthy patterns over and over and over again...I’m now very close friends with his soon to be ex-wife, and our experiences with him are frighteningly similar.
But there was this one guy I dated 5 years ago...he was my “McDreamy”. McDreamy was such a unique and special guy to me. He was compassionate, empathetic, intelligent, romantic as hell...all the while being a responsible, trustworthy, and a real “manly man”. Everything you would ever want...except for his little commitment phobia...but other than that, quite the perfect specimen of “relationship material”. I fell for him hard...and fast. Whenever I think back on our short relationship, it brings a smile and a sigh. I remember the days he made dinner for me, the times he stopped by my office to see if I was available for lunch, the hours we spent talking getting to know each other. I remember the first date that neither of us wanted to end. I remember our first kiss, and our second. I remember how he treated me with respect and graciousness. I adored how he included me in his life...he didn’t hesitate to introduce me to friends and family. He seemed so interested in learning about me and who I am...he was so chivalrous and genuine. We never had an argument...and if we ever disagreed on anything, we just agreed to disagree. He even broke things off in the most gentle way he possibly could. He was my butterflies guy...he set the high bar.
But 5 years later...still single? I’ve had at least three microscopic relationships since then. I wouldn’t say I “compared” these guys to McDreamy...but there are certain standards one has to set for themselves...and I don’t think they were too high. I broke up with one guy partly because several times he “fell asleep” when he was supposed to be coming over to see me...that didn’t make me feel very special. Another guy lived with me for a while...not only did I totally feel taken advantage of, but he constantly had one foot out the door when I came home. We had some good moments...but mostly we tried to move too far forward too fast after having been friends for a couple years. Another guy was hot and heavy...seemed like McDreamy the sequel...and then he just faded away. I thought the first McDreamy’s commitment phobias were bad...he had NOTHING on the sequel! At least I felt the butterflies again...for a minute. I was starting to worry I was incapable of ever feeling that way again!
I get so frustrated because it seems like I have so much to offer and given the chance can make an amazing partner in a relationship...but those chances don’t seem to come my way. I asked a male friend if he thought I was too “picky”...and he said no...that I just know what I want and I’m not willing to settle. Lol...isn’t that the definition of picky?
I do know that I’m ready to have a new McDreamy in my life. I’ve waited...I’ve grown...I’ve learned. It’s time...
Clearly my dating life is a catastrophe.
I didn’t even START dating till I was in college...and my first few choices were just such profound losers. One of them is still doing prison time...I hope. I check periodically to see if he is still there out of fear of “bumping into him” on the street somewhere. Another one married one of the many women he cheated on me with...and they are still together today. I used to wonder what it was she did to turn him around...and now that I know, I realize I would have never been the right woman for him as “domineering control freak” is just not in my character. The one I had the longest waste of time...errr...I mean relationship with repeats his unhealthy patterns over and over and over again...I’m now very close friends with his soon to be ex-wife, and our experiences with him are frighteningly similar.
But there was this one guy I dated 5 years ago...he was my “McDreamy”. McDreamy was such a unique and special guy to me. He was compassionate, empathetic, intelligent, romantic as hell...all the while being a responsible, trustworthy, and a real “manly man”. Everything you would ever want...except for his little commitment phobia...but other than that, quite the perfect specimen of “relationship material”. I fell for him hard...and fast. Whenever I think back on our short relationship, it brings a smile and a sigh. I remember the days he made dinner for me, the times he stopped by my office to see if I was available for lunch, the hours we spent talking getting to know each other. I remember the first date that neither of us wanted to end. I remember our first kiss, and our second. I remember how he treated me with respect and graciousness. I adored how he included me in his life...he didn’t hesitate to introduce me to friends and family. He seemed so interested in learning about me and who I am...he was so chivalrous and genuine. We never had an argument...and if we ever disagreed on anything, we just agreed to disagree. He even broke things off in the most gentle way he possibly could. He was my butterflies guy...he set the high bar.
But 5 years later...still single? I’ve had at least three microscopic relationships since then. I wouldn’t say I “compared” these guys to McDreamy...but there are certain standards one has to set for themselves...and I don’t think they were too high. I broke up with one guy partly because several times he “fell asleep” when he was supposed to be coming over to see me...that didn’t make me feel very special. Another guy lived with me for a while...not only did I totally feel taken advantage of, but he constantly had one foot out the door when I came home. We had some good moments...but mostly we tried to move too far forward too fast after having been friends for a couple years. Another guy was hot and heavy...seemed like McDreamy the sequel...and then he just faded away. I thought the first McDreamy’s commitment phobias were bad...he had NOTHING on the sequel! At least I felt the butterflies again...for a minute. I was starting to worry I was incapable of ever feeling that way again!
I get so frustrated because it seems like I have so much to offer and given the chance can make an amazing partner in a relationship...but those chances don’t seem to come my way. I asked a male friend if he thought I was too “picky”...and he said no...that I just know what I want and I’m not willing to settle. Lol...isn’t that the definition of picky?
I do know that I’m ready to have a new McDreamy in my life. I’ve waited...I’ve grown...I’ve learned. It’s time...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today I would have held you in my arms, but instead I hold you in my heart
I didn’t realize the date this morning.
I got up, got ready for work as I always do...let the dog out, cleaned up after the cats, made lunch...all the usual morning stuff. I drove to work listening to my ipod and parked my car and walked inside...and that’s when I saw it...today is March 18, 2009.
Remembering the significance of the date knocked the wind out of me.
If things had gone differently, maybe today I would be holding you in my arms. Maybe I would have spent the last few months in the discomfort of pregnancy. Maybe I would have been setting up a nursery. Maybe I would have been having regular ultra-sounds, watching the growth of my little one. Maybe I would have experienced all the excitement and fears that come from expecting a baby. Maybe it would have all culminated to today, when I finally had my water break and had to rush to the hospital to deliver my bundle. Today was your due date...today I should have been able to hold you in my arms and feel that love a mother feels for the first time...
I wanted you in my life for so long...and I had tried with no success. I figured it wasn't possible...and then you happened. You were such a surprise...but once I discovered you were the reason I had been sick for weeks, I was ecstatic...and petrified...at the same time. Did my fears scare you away?
These last 8 months passed by so fast. Would it have been faster if I hadn’t lost you? Or would it have been slow enough for me to enjoy it as it might have been my only chance. How different would things be today? So many late summer decisions would have gone a different way...no heartbreak over a man...no wild parties...no travel...no agonizing over projects at work as I would have been made to take it easy...many different decisions would have been made to protect you and to prepare for you.
But you weren’t meant to be...you left me so fast I barely had a chance to get used to the idea of you. And all this time I thought I had accepted your loss and moved on...until today...I didn't know it would still hurt this bad...I wasn't prepared for the emptiness I'm feeling.
Today would have been your day...today I would have held you in my arms, but instead I hold you in my heart...and I always will.
I got up, got ready for work as I always do...let the dog out, cleaned up after the cats, made lunch...all the usual morning stuff. I drove to work listening to my ipod and parked my car and walked inside...and that’s when I saw it...today is March 18, 2009.
Remembering the significance of the date knocked the wind out of me.
If things had gone differently, maybe today I would be holding you in my arms. Maybe I would have spent the last few months in the discomfort of pregnancy. Maybe I would have been setting up a nursery. Maybe I would have been having regular ultra-sounds, watching the growth of my little one. Maybe I would have experienced all the excitement and fears that come from expecting a baby. Maybe it would have all culminated to today, when I finally had my water break and had to rush to the hospital to deliver my bundle. Today was your due date...today I should have been able to hold you in my arms and feel that love a mother feels for the first time...
I wanted you in my life for so long...and I had tried with no success. I figured it wasn't possible...and then you happened. You were such a surprise...but once I discovered you were the reason I had been sick for weeks, I was ecstatic...and petrified...at the same time. Did my fears scare you away?
These last 8 months passed by so fast. Would it have been faster if I hadn’t lost you? Or would it have been slow enough for me to enjoy it as it might have been my only chance. How different would things be today? So many late summer decisions would have gone a different way...no heartbreak over a man...no wild parties...no travel...no agonizing over projects at work as I would have been made to take it easy...many different decisions would have been made to protect you and to prepare for you.
But you weren’t meant to be...you left me so fast I barely had a chance to get used to the idea of you. And all this time I thought I had accepted your loss and moved on...until today...I didn't know it would still hurt this bad...I wasn't prepared for the emptiness I'm feeling.
Today would have been your day...today I would have held you in my arms, but instead I hold you in my heart...and I always will.
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