5 years? Really?

How is it that I haven’t had a really good, fulfilling, healthy, honest relationship in 5 years? How does that happen? Seriously?

Clearly my dating life is a catastrophe.

I didn’t even START dating till I was in college...and my first few choices were just such profound losers. One of them is still doing prison time...I hope. I check periodically to see if he is still there out of fear of “bumping into him” on the street somewhere. Another one married one of the many women he cheated on me with...and they are still together today. I used to wonder what it was she did to turn him around...and now that I know, I realize I would have never been the right woman for him as “domineering control freak” is just not in my character. The one I had the longest waste of time...errr...I mean relationship with repeats his unhealthy patterns over and over and over again...I’m now very close friends with his soon to be ex-wife, and our experiences with him are frighteningly similar.

But there was this one guy I dated 5 years ago...he was my “McDreamy”. McDreamy was such a unique and special guy to me. He was compassionate, empathetic, intelligent, romantic as hell...all the while being a responsible, trustworthy, and a real “manly man”. Everything you would ever want...except for his little commitment phobia...but other than that, quite the perfect specimen of “relationship material”. I fell for him hard...and fast. Whenever I think back on our short relationship, it brings a smile and a sigh. I remember the days he made dinner for me, the times he stopped by my office to see if I was available for lunch, the hours we spent talking getting to know each other. I remember the first date that neither of us wanted to end. I remember our first kiss, and our second. I remember how he treated me with respect and graciousness. I adored how he included me in his life...he didn’t hesitate to introduce me to friends and family. He seemed so interested in learning about me and who I am...he was so chivalrous and genuine. We never had an argument...and if we ever disagreed on anything, we just agreed to disagree. He even broke things off in the most gentle way he possibly could. He was my butterflies guy...he set the high bar.

But 5 years later...still single? I’ve had at least three microscopic relationships since then. I wouldn’t say I “compared” these guys to McDreamy...but there are certain standards one has to set for themselves...and I don’t think they were too high. I broke up with one guy partly because several times he “fell asleep” when he was supposed to be coming over to see me...that didn’t make me feel very special. Another guy lived with me for a while...not only did I totally feel taken advantage of, but he constantly had one foot out the door when I came home. We had some good moments...but mostly we tried to move too far forward too fast after having been friends for a couple years. Another guy was hot and heavy...seemed like McDreamy the sequel...and then he just faded away. I thought the first McDreamy’s commitment phobias were bad...he had NOTHING on the sequel! At least I felt the butterflies again...for a minute. I was starting to worry I was incapable of ever feeling that way again!

I get so frustrated because it seems like I have so much to offer and given the chance can make an amazing partner in a relationship...but those chances don’t seem to come my way. I asked a male friend if he thought I was too “picky”...and he said no...that I just know what I want and I’m not willing to settle. Lol...isn’t that the definition of picky?

I do know that I’m ready to have a new McDreamy in my life. I’ve waited...I’ve grown...I’ve learned. It’s time...